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How To Talk Like A Wine Taster
And why no one should want to
For all of my misadventures and calamitous run-ins with alcohol, I’ve never been a wine drinker.
Call me uncultured.
Don’t get me wrong, I drank some wine along the way, but generally, that was because there was no other booze left in the house.
The vodka bottles would have to be bone dry before I even attempted to search for the corkscrew.
Admittedly, I’m not the most discerning drinker of all time, but I would make an outstanding wine critic. Mostly because I think the entire industry is full of flatulent buffoonery that’s fun to criticize.
Feel free to take my wine culture critiques with a grain of salt, but the bullshit alarm went off when I was told about the “art and skill” of wine tasting.
The wine taster should be in the same category as an astrologist or a palm reading — provided your palm reader has gray-stained teeth.
The upside to being a wine taster is that, much like the palm reader, there’s no real skill required — other than memorizing all of the pretentious terminologies.
By comparison, it’s a lot more challenging to become a mime.
