Member-only story
My Rare Bipolar-ish Mood Disorder
How it’s different from bipolar I and II
I thought I must be bipolar. That had to be it.
I even got to a point where I hoped I was bipolar — just so I knew what the hell was wrong with me.
A mood pattern had emerged, bookended by numerous relapses with the alcohol, so I was determined to get to the bottom of it.
The mood disorder, that is, not the bottle.
I noticed that I was relapsing every two months like clockwork. The pattern was too regimented and linear to be a coincidence. I could mark on my calendar the next time I would fall off the wagon.
At first, I wondered if it was an outer circumstance or some financial stress that occurred in 2-month increments, but I couldn’t find anything that matched the timeline.
Then, I wondered if it had become some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. Once I noticed the pattern, maybe I had set myself up to unconsciously relapse every two months.
That wasn’t it either.
I finally did what I probably should have done years…
