The “Curse” Of Being A Straight White Male
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I’m a straight white male, so if that headline made you roll your eyes — particularly if you are not a straight white male — I get it. But, as a fellow writer, you have to give me some props because it piqued your interest enough to start reading. That’s what the headline is for — right? Boom!
The truth is that, as a fellow writer, regardless of your race, gender or sexual orientation, I probably have more in common with you than I do with the average straight white male — especially the ones making news. You and I both love to read and write, share ideas, hone our craft, and peck away daily in order to speak to the world. Those are pretty significant and distinguishing similarities. You might even say that make us birds of a feather.
So what is this “curse” that I speak of? I’ll admit, it’s more of a downside than a curse, but it’s a pain is the ass just the same.
It’s getting lumped in with all the other dumb ass white guys who are constantly making the news just for being dumb ass white guys. Let’s start with January 6, 2021.
*Before we begin, I want full credit for the acronym DAWG (Dumb Ass White Guy). This could very well be my greatest contribution to our democracy.
You don’t need the above photo to remember that the overwhelming majority of these dunces were straight white men. Of course, there were a few assorted white females in the crowd, but they were probably their wives, or sisters — or both.
I consider January 6th, 2021 to be the most disgraceful day in American history — at least in my lifetime. Even if you combined Watergate, the Iran-Contra scandal and Clinton’s blow job — an awkward combination I’ll admit — they couldn’t hold a tiki torch in comparison. The fact that it is still being defended, ignored, or twisted into something it was not — like a peaceful protest — makes it that much more disgraceful.
Without having the slightest thing in common with this crowd — their parties, ideologies, interests and delusions— you can see why I would like to put as much distance between them and me as possible. This is not always an easy task when you’re a bald 52 year old white guy. You are immediately suspect — and so is your opinion. Is it a curse? Ok, that might be hyperbole. But an occasional pain in the ass? Most definitely.
I lean pretty hard to the left on social issues (in case that wasn’t obvious), but I don’t like to refer to myself as a liberal. Why? Because I find it hard to embrace a label that doesn’t truly embrace me back — based solely on my race, gender and sexual orientation. I have to give conservatives credit for one thing — they’re all inclusive (sort of). Even if you’re a gay, African American woman they will praise you — provided you pound the drum of their insane ideology. Sure, they may curse you behind your back, but publicly you’ll be a hero.
Me? I’m stuck with the curse of my male whiteness — at least as far as many liberals are concerned — and the most honorable thing I can do is join a protest. Against…myself.
Nowhere is this more profound than a woman’s right to choose.
I fully support a woman’s right to choose, as do 47% of men in the US, which is essentially dead even with the 47% of men in the US who do not.
I understand that most of the rhetoric and outcry from pro-choice women revolves around men having a say in what women do with their bodies. I’m completely on board with that sentiment. But I’ve also seen this (d)evolve into a men vs. women issue — when clearly it’s more complicated than that. If pro choice women have a real opponent in this fight, it’s the 40% of women who do not believe in their own right to choose. That’s the fulcrum.
I’m not complaining about being a straight white male, I’m really not, but we are living in a time when it’s completely okay to demonize “old white men” just for being old and white. It’s not just accepted, it’s a fashionable trend — the cool thing to do. The most interesting thing is that I’m most likely to be called out for my race and privilege by liberal white women. Huh?? Do I really have to explain why I may have an issue with that?
I will never know what it’s like to be a different race, different gender, or have a different sexual orientation than the one I currently have. What I do know is that I will get no sympathy for it. I’m perfectly fine with that — provided anyone who blindly accuses me of wrongdoing remembers that I had no say in it either. I didn’t choose to be a straight white man, nor did I kick anyone out of line when they were handing out the straight white man cards. Just like Lady Gaga, I was born this way.
I consider it my responsibility to empathize and (try to) understand what ALL kinds of human beings go through. It’s not just a responsibility, it’s a true interest and passion of mine. I learn things on a daily basis from other groups of people, and I’ve found that when I show genuine interest and curiosity about someone else’s condition, they tend to see the devil horns I was born with melt away.
With that said, the only experience I can ever have is that of a straight white man. I wasn’t offered a choice. We aren’t all bad, and we aren’t all good. In fact, even as an individual — I’m not all bad or all good. I would love to see every group that has been traditionally marginalized take their rightful spot at the table, but I’m relatively certain that pigeonholing another group — like straight white men — is not the way to see it to fruition.
It’s kind of like declaring “War On Terror.” You can’t beat something by using the same abhorrent tactics as the enemy. You have to do better.
Here’s the good news from where I sit…
If you’re writing on Medium, and sharing your thoughts and ideas and convictions — you’re already doing better. I applaud you for this. I have nothing in common with the idiots who stormed the Capitol or the dipshits who brought their Home Depot tiki torches to Charlottesville. Reading and writing is a big challenge for these people.
But you and I?
I bet we have a lot in common. In fact, I’m sure of it.
