“What Do I Have To Offer Someone?”
A revolutionary approach to dating in the 21st century
Men and women each have their checklists for dating, both personal and cultural, but how often do we ask ourselves, “What do I have to offer another person?”
We should.
We can spend years cultivating a laundry list of everything we seek in a partner, but how much time and energy do we put into being a valuable partner ourselves?
If you’re thinking, “Well, I’m me, so they should love me for who I am.”
That’s just grand, but probably the reason you’re not finding the right partner. It can’t be all about you.
In fact (gasp), maybe…it should be all about them?
Put a thumbtack in that, keep reading, and I’ll explain why.
I didn’t want to make this strictly an opinion piece, so here are the Top 5 AI-generated qualities both sexes look for in a partner:
Women look for:
- Confidence
- Emotional Intelligence
- Integrity & Honesty
- Ambition & Drive
- Humor
Men look for:
- Physical Attractiveness
- Kindness & Compassion
- Loyalty
- Supportiveness
- Sense of Humor
Interestingly, the only trait both sexes valued in their Top 5 was humor, with a slight delineation for men wanting a sense of humor.
Translation…
Women: I want someone who can make me laugh.
Men: I want someone who laughs at my dumb jokes.
There’s nothing wrong with having standards; they’re a sign of self-respect. But with our inventory of traits the other person must possess, shouldn’t we consider what traits we possess that might attract this ideal person?
Having confidence is terrific, but self-awareness is far more valuable.
Consider this…
Once you’ve created your mental list of qualities a partner should have — or written a scroll on parchment paper that you keep behind glass — it’s time to take some personal inventory.
What do I have to offer that would complement my ideal person’s life?
The keyword is complement.
Example: If you have lots of ambition and drive, that’s awesome. But, ambition and drive can cause friction in a relationship when a partner has the same qualities. In other words, it’s not automatically a desirable trait.
For men, if you’ve focused solely on making money to attract your ideal partner, think again. If you don’t possess the emotional intelligence to go with it, you’ll get stuck with the gold diggers, and good luck with that bunch.
Women, if you want a high-quality, confident man, realize that he has his own options, and probably isn’t going to settle for just a pretty face. He wants the loyalty and support that go with it, or why bother having a partner in the first place?
For both men and women, here’s the good news…
All of the above traits can be worked on and improved, and nothing improves your confidence level more than creating a better version of yourself.
It’s a win/win situation. Even if you never attract your ideal partner, you will have created a better you. Though, the odds of you finding the right person will increase exponentially.
Look back at the Top 5 for both sexes, and realize that you have nothing to lose — and everything to gain — by improving all of these traits in yourself.
Physical attractiveness is at the top of the list for men, but that needs some clarification…
It’s more accurate to say it’s the first trait we notice, but rarely the most important in terms of a long-term relationship.
Just like the guy who only offers money will draw the golddiggers like flies, a woman who relies solely on her looks will attract (you guessed it) the fuck boys.
For the record, physical attractiveness was the #7 trait that women look for, so it’s not like they don’t care. It has to be the first thing they notice as well (how could it not?), but good looks in the absence of other more desirable traits doesn’t carry much weight.
Last but not least, here is the NUMBER ONE thing both sexes can do to attract the right partner: improve your health and fitness.
Most women aren’t looking for a muscle-bound man, and most men aren’t looking for a woman with washboard abs, but both sexes find taking care of themselves attractive. Whodathunkit?
In general, neither sex needs you to be a fitness model, they want you to give a shit about yourself.
The bonus of focusing on health and fitness is that it tends to improve all of the other traits: appearance, confidence, drive, income, etc, etc. If you’re wondering what trait to start improving first, get your ass to the gym.
We all want to be wanted.
What better way to ensure that you’re valued, desired, and wanted by your potential partner than to improve yourself? There’s no downside to improving all areas the opposite sex finds attractive.
Women aren’t pining for the guy who’s kick ass at video games or knows how to hit his weed pen, and men aren’t looking for the girl who gets the most likes on Instagram.
The core traits that both sexes find attractive can make you a better person.
Working on yourself doesn’t guarantee you’ll find the perfect match, but it increases the odds, and why not be the best version of you that you can be?
