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Wine Tasting Is For Douchebags
A handy guide for talking like a wine taster
For all of my misadventures and calamitous run-ins with alcohol, I’ve never been a wine drinker. Call me uncultured.
Don’t get me wrong, I had some vino along the way, but generally, that was because no other booze was left in the house.
The vodka bottles would have to be bone dry before I even attempted to look for the corkscrew.
I wasn’t the most discerning drinker, but would make an outstanding wine critic. Mostly because the entire industry and culture is flatulent bloviation — and fun to criticize.
The bullshit alarm went off when I was told about the “art and skill” of wine tasting. I put the wine taster in the same category as an astrologist or a palm reader — provided your palm reader has gray-stained teeth.
The upside to being a wine taster is that, much like the palm reader, there’s no real skill required — other than memorizing all of the pretentious terminologies.
By comparison, it’s a lot more challenging to become a mime.
